she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
