Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
