I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
