Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
