Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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