We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
