Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
