He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
