I just saw a hot homeless man
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
