Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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