I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
It was a blind-side dick pic.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
