come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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