i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
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