I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
So many bounce houses so little time
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
