I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize