uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
