I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
