Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Randomize
