he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
