My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
