dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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