I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
