I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
