guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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