She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
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