Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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