we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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