I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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