I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
So much rum. So many feels.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Randomize
