This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Randomize
