you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
did i walk over a car last night?
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
