4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Randomize
