problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
