did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
