seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
