So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
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