I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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