Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
