Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize
