How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Randomize
