just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I'm really busy with my period
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