i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
i just wanna soil my oats bro
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Randomize
