He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
