THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
