She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Randomize
