Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
