It's Friday. Sex?
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
