the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
