uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Randomize
