they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
