It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
