Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
