remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Randomize
