I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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