you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
