I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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