So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
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