before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I just found a bag of teeth...
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
