Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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