and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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