I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
