sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
