I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
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