just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
