He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
