I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
