We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
