I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
