I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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