At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
