I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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