I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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